Growing up isn't turning eighteen Or buying alcohol or cigarette, It's finally being allowed to watch the sex scene And that crippling sense of hanging regret.
No, it's not in candles on birthday cake Or number on greetings card It's having to before 1pm wake, And realising climbing stairs is hard
It's knowing what happened to all the dogs And how your parents lied, Because, my friend, they're stiff as logs,, They all just bloody died.
Growing up isn't some kind of science Or form, or fact, or truth It's giving in and accepting compliance. Oh! And more sensible shoes.
It's pretending to know what a 'Brexit' is And who's the first to blame It's use long words like toxoplasmosis Or else be put to shame.
It's Dungeons and Dragons and video games And watching wrestling again, It's talking to boring colleague James, Cos life's only fun in make pretend.
It's thinking a beard will make you cool When in reality it won't You'll call 3 hairs a beard, you fool And look like an alopeciac goat.
It's going to every club in town Knowing that you'll hate it "I just don't want to let you down" Now smile, but bloody fake it.
It's buying that random girl a drink Though she's old enough to be your mum It's feeling your standards start to sink Although... She's got an above average bum.
It's kissing for the sake of it While shitty music blares, It's spending an hour on every shit And wiry bollock hairs.
It's leaving childhood sweetheart, Finding dating hit or miss, It's getting foreplay down to an art It's finally finding that bloody clitoris.
It's 3 minutes of rough and tumble Before I roll over and sleep, But when I'm fifty I know I'll stumble And impulse buy a jeep,
So adulthood ain't all that fun But at least I can buy whiskey. I'll just slam back another one And thank fuck that I'm not Sixty.